It's Not Me, It's Really You
by Procrastinating Penguin
Summary: //Sequel to Ladies' Man// Because, as one great poet said, "The course of true love never did run true." One Shot


**It's Not Me, It's Really You**

_Disclaimer: I don't own DC/MK. Not even the noodles._

"I need a favour, Aoko-kun."

The wild-haired girl's eyes widened over the rim of her coffee cup. Slowly, she set it back onto the plate with a soft _clink_. Her lips tug upwards in an open smile, her blue eyes waning into two crescents in its sincerity.

"Sure."

Saguru Hakuba sighed - though, for a change, it was more from relief than the urge to tear his hair out. His muscles, which had tensed up the moment the woman stepped through the door (Not that he believed Nakamori Aoko would stoop to sabotaging him like a certain scoundrel had... but her eyes _had_ taken a familiar glint that her fiancée proudly exuded - a consequence of what, he hoped, merely stemmed from prolonged exposure, and not that the boy's stupidity had become contagious) relaxed. He picked up his own cup of coffee and nursed it in his pallid fingers.

"Well, I would love to have some advice on...um, how shall I put this - "

"Dating?"

He froze.

Aoko chuckled lightly. "Look, Hakuba-kun, I can tell. It's Akako-chan, isn't it?"

Hakuba felt his face flush white. Already, his mind raced through the number of calls he would need to make to flood the blabbermouth thief's house with police patrol cars for miles on out - the man wasn't going to so much as _fart _without him siccing the dogs-

The murder might have shown on his face, because Aoko added hastily, "I hope I didn't upset you, Hakuba-kun. I was only taking a guess."

"A guess."

"Well, yeah," Aoko said carefully. "I've seen the way you act around Akako-chan, and I assumed... " she trailed off.

He sighed. (cue: hair-tearing urge) "It's quite all right, Aoko-kun. It is Koizumi-san, and I was hoping you would be able to give me some advice on asking her out."

There was a brief pause. He looked up; Aoko was smiling, but there was a slight nervous twitch to her hands as she began playing with the coffee stirrer.

"Er... I'm flattered that you would turn to me, Hakuba-kun. But," her brows wrinkled. "Wouldn't you feel more comfortable turning to a guy for this? I think Kaito might be more of a help than -"

"_NO_!" he practically roared.

The distant din of the cafe fell silent at once. Every pair of eyes turned.

Aoko blinked.

"Sorry," he ran a hand through his blonde locks, took a deep breath, and smiled. (though, in Aoko's eyes, it appeared more of a grimace). "I... er, I'm afraid I need a woman's perspective on this."

"Ah, okay." She nodded slowly. "I understand."

"Please."

"Well, as a general rule of thumb, being a gentleman always garners some bonus points," she started. She tore open a packet of sugar and tilted the fine crystals into her coffee, stirring thoughtfully. Cocking her head to the side, her lips cracked in a grin. "Frankly, I don't think you have any trouble in that area, Hakuba-kun."

"Is there anything specific?"

"Hmm." Aoko tapped her chin thoughtfully. "There are the little things - holding doors open, pulling the chairs out, getting their coat - small gestures that make us aware that you care." She took a sip of coffee. Her face brightened. "Ah, right - and carry her bags when you go shopping!"

"Hmmm..."

"You would make a great impression," and under the bright lighting of the cafe, her blue eyes twinkled. "Trust me."

---

"Glad to see you up and well, again, Hakuba-san."

"Ah, well, I would like to apologize for the other day."

"It was nothing," and there, the faintest of smirk danced on Akako Koizumi's lips. "It's not every day I get to _pasta _time in an emergency room and see a doctor perform modern miracles."

Hakuba chuckled dryly. (Which, he began to realize, was becoming an increasingly common expression of joy when he was around the red-haired woman)

Around them, couples swarmed in twos, most of them shamelessly woven onto each other. He trotted by her side, who paused every once in a while to peruse a store display with bored interest. (And yes, she even managed the paradox beautifully) He glanced ruefully at a giggling couple passing by, their hands nestled comfortably in each others' back pockets. Not that he wasn't grateful that Akako had agreed to meet him tonight and let him accompany her for some errands - but to anyone who cared to sweep a passing glance, they probably looked nothing more than two strangers who happened to walk in the same direction.

Then again, she was tolerating the sight of him after what happened at the restaurant... that had to count for_ something_.

"Wait here," she said suddenly. And before he could react, she breezed past him into a store, the bell tinkling the door shut behind her.

Hakuba leaned against a lamppost and waited.

A couple passed by, lips locked in a ferocious battle. He wondered how they managed to walk in a straight line.

A bald man strode past. A bouquet of wilted roses tucked under one arm, he was sobbing loudly into a dingy-looking handkerchief.

He glanced at his watch.

10 minutes had gone by.

Tick... tick_... tick..._

Hakuba suddenly felt like a dog left outside a bar.

_Tick... tick... tick_...

The doorbell clanged; his head snapped up. The lithe woman came back out onto the street. Her cheeks were flushed, there was a fresh glint in her eyes that he hadn't seen before.

She looked... bewitching.

_Woof._

"Here, let me." he breezed forward.

"Oh," she seemed surprised. But her fingers gave away and she let him take the bag. "Thank you." She smiled.

He felt something fluttered in his stomach. "Of course," he said smoothly. They fell into stride right by each other, this time her pace slowed a bit - and he (happily) acknowledged that they were strolling side by side now, and not her breezing forward and him tailing a half-step behind.

The trees in the town square were strung with green and red lights. Normally he scoffed at the blatant commercial display. But today he found himself warmly fond of the winking lights.

Odd.

They walked into a department store - a ten-story monster that had colourful sales banners streaming down the towering walls.

"Hakuba-san, will you please wait right here?" she turned to him, as they just entered the glass doors and passed by a makeup counter. "I'll be right back. I just need to freshen up in the ladies' room."

"Please."

She flashed him a quick smile, then turned away, her scarlet hair soon lost in the sea of bobbing heads. He exhaled (oh, _joy_), ran a quick hand through his hair, and found himself a vacant bench to rest on. He hadn't broken out one step, however, when a familiar voice rung out from behind him,

"Hey, Hakuba! What are you doing here?"

His legs froze. (Eyes, in the last futile attempt, darted to the nearest exit - too far, not enough time, _damn it_). Slowly, he turned around.

"Fancy seeing you here!" And here, jocularly, as if they were old friends, Kuroba Kaito clapped a hand onto his shoulder. Hard.

"Kuroba-kun," he said lightly, shrugging off the hand.

"Christmas shopping?"

Hakuba could feel the familiar throbbing returning to his temple. The damn man was like a overzealous cat - zeroing on the bag at once, eyeing it with a sparkle in his eyes and paws poised to swipe it open at any minute. He glared.

"What are _you _doing here?"

"Aoko wanted to get something for Keiko's baby shower." He was still trying to peer into the bag.

"Uh-huh, well then, shouldn't you be with her right now?"

"She says I'm getting on her nerves, and that I better take my butt elsewhere before she loses it and hits me with a mop." He shrugged. "It's the Christmas stress talking, you know."

"Uh-huh."

"So, what's in the bag?"

"I don't suppose you can mind your own business, Kuroba."

Kaito narrowed his eyes. "I shared the Kuroba family secret with _you_, Hakuba."

That was the last straw.

"Secret - _se_ - the _Kuroba family secret_?" Hakuba snapped angrily. "You mean that stupid, juvenile pasta-through-the-nostril trick that you have so graciously shown me a week ago? Do you take me as a fool, Kuroba? You better watch your back because next time, _next time_, I'm going to nail your_ arse _to the wall at the heist -"

"Hey, you've got a lot of stuff in here."

" - every police car in Japan - wait, _what_?"

Hakuba glanced down at his hands.

Empty.

He glanced upwards. The wild-haired man was holding a bag. _The _bag. Red and gold, to be more precise.

Either the adrenaline stunned his ears, or the damned magician was one hell of a thief.

"_Kuroba _- "

"Whoa." Kaito's face paled.

Hakuba marched forward and tore the bag from his hands. He had expected Kaito to resist - perhaps a taunting round of keep-away just to make more of a scene. But the vaudeville's fingers were limp, and Hakuba jerked the bag with unreciprocated force - tipping it and spilling the contents onto the ground -

At first Hakuba thought coconuts tumbled out. Then, his brain kicking in, his eyes widened -

Shrunken heads. Three or four of them. Candles. Matches. A bottle filled with something thick and sinister-looking. Handcuffs. A pair of nunchucks. A doll made of straw. And a picture of Kuroba Kaito, enlarged.

"Oh." After almost 20 years of vigorous studies at the most prestigious schools in Europe, his eloquence peaked.

"Kaito!" Suddenly, a cheerful, feminine voice called out from behind them. "Look who I found!"

Nakamori Aoko stepped from the crowd, rosy-faced and tugging on a reluctant arm. Kaito and Hakuba turned simultaneously. Only the latter forgot how to breathe.

"Hello, Kaito-kun," Akako Koizumi said coolly, stepping out from behind Aoko. Her eyes flicked from the dark-haired boy to the fair-haired man, and then, the calamity between them. They widened, but only for the briefest second. Her face resumed to its cool dispassion once more.

"Hakuba-kun, you're here too?" Aoko exclaimed. She winked, then quickly turned to her right. "Akako-chan, you know Hakuba-kun, don't you?"

There was the briefest of pause.

"No," she said. "I don't believe we've ever met."

**A/n: Ah... I do love the fair-haired detective. Really, I do. XD**


End file.
